Dating and relationship and baggage

We are all human and need the time and space to experience our feelings, and when the time is right we can share them in a way that works for us. We've all been hurt in one way or another and we're all scared on some level -- that's human nature.

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She may ask the man to remind her over and over that she is beautiful and skinny, though even after he tells her over and over, she still does not fully believe him.In this situation, the woman is looking to the man for validation about something that can only actually come from her. If I can get to the bottom of what's really going on (example: a jealousy issue, a trust issue, etc.) then when I do to my partner, I'm not a jumbled mess of emotions.Sure, I still have some "red flags" that I do my best to avoid in relationships -- things that would not work for me in the long term, etc.-- but for the most part there isn't a whole lot I am unwilling to work through with someone if I feel like it's "worth it." What I have started realizing as I have been in more mature and meaningful relationships is that the emotional baggage isn't what the actual issue is.I do think that open communication is helpful and necessary in any and all relationships (especially romantic relationships), but I also don't agree that sharing every tiny detail of feelings is necessary either. In a new relationship, it will inevitably come up but my first rule of thumb is to see how much I can handle on my own. I think it's the dramatic, crying conversations that turn to arguments that tend to be the most draining and trying on a relationship, no matter how strong it is.

The thing is, this "baggage" that we all think drives relationships apart can actually be the lasting force to hold them together.

The actual issue is how the baggage is handled and what the behavior is when it comes to handling the baggage.

In school, I was taught that "how I relate to the issue is the issue." Which means, let's say my partner spills a glass of red wine on my favorite dress.

The "issue" would then be that I freaked out and lost my cool over something as silly as a dress.

And then in that situation it would be my own responsibility to deal with it and figure out why I reacted the way I did. Am I truthfully just not happy in the relationship? The truth is that the chance of being 30-something and going into a relationship without some sort of emotional baggage, whether it be a trust issue or intimacy insecurity or a fear of being vulnerable, is highly unlikely.

But this gets old fast and can lead to all sorts of resentments and unhealthy dynamics that can be otherwise avoided. On the other side of that, it's my hope that my partner has similar views and is aware of his own issues just as much as I'm aware of mine.