You may wonder why you feel any fondness for someone you are divorcing. Don’t shy away from seeking support and validation from friends and relatives.It is perfectly normal, and most divorced people report these mixed emotions. If you feel the need, get into therapy to help you sort through your shifting emotions and the resulting stress.6. Riding this roller coaster of emotions is taxing, so make sure you develop good self – care habits during this time.
But if you thank him–for continuing to pay the mortgage, for picking up the kids, for asking how you are–you’ll be focusing your attention on the things you want instead of the things you don’t want. I brought my husband to marriage counseling thinking the counselor would fix my husband and then I could finally be happy.Of course, that’s not how it works, but no couple ever got happier by complaining about each other for an hour a week anyway. What if you just freaked him out by smiling when he sees you?I can’t think of anything more painful and heartbreaking than having your husband say, “I don’t love you anymore. I’m in love with someone else.” Or–maybe even worse—to discover those things without him saying anything.It’s only human to be angry at him for being such a thoughtless jerk.Of course you’ll get discouraged, but your vision of being a happy couple is worthwhile and possible.
When you find yourself on the fence about your marriage, find the people in your life who support your vision and let them remind you to jump off on the side of love. You might feel far away from that, but this is a shortcut for getting back there. Laugh when he’s funny, and reference the inside jokes you share.Bring your playful self to your interactions with him. Flirt and you’ll trick yourself into feeling confident instead of insecure. If you see him—even if it’s at the divorce attorney, the marriage counselor, or just to hand-off the kids—pretend it’s a date. Let him open the door and thank him with a sweet smile. This is your husband we’re talking about, so even if he’s being intimate with someone else, he’s yours, not hers.You might be tempted to retaliate by locking him out of the bedroom, but when you’re trying to restore intimacy why not start with physical intimacy? As I mentioned, this isn’t the usual relationship advice, and you might know plenty of people will tell you to throw the bum out, or figure out where all the assets are in preparation for a divorce. Find the friends, coach or chat group that supports your vision. Realize that every divorce brings about such change, and change is not always easy.Get plenty of rest, avoid stress as much as possible, put non-essential things on the back burner for now, and eat a healthy diet. Trust yourself that you can handle anything that comes along and that you have made the right decision to divorce. Also, make a list of the good parts of your former relationship. It’s easy to make your ex the villain, but in order to be successful in your own life and future relationships, you need to take time to look at your part in the failure of the relationship.