But don’t stop at just asking them what they do and then make assumptions what they think and feel about what they do. Ask them what they love about what do, and what they find a drag about their studies or their job.Ask them where they see themselves in the future, or what their other hopes, dreams, and plans are.
Finally, most of us are not as careful when we meet someone online as we would be if we had met them in a coffee shop.
We share more details about ourselves, more quickly.
You tell your best stories and try hard to be interesting.
You spend a lot of time and energy wondering what the other person thinks of you.
Meeting for a quick coffee early in the process isn’t always feasible, however. There are good reasons that asking questions and listening well are relationship superpowers.
So what else can help you stay safe and date smart when you meet someone interesting online? Guard yourself against the assumptions and idealizations that can flourish in a long distance relationship. Don’t just think about the image you are presenting to this prospective partner, think about what they are telling you. Often we neglect the basics because we’re looking for a surefire tip or a secret answer we just haven’t figure out yet.
Remember that the aim of online dating is to find someone who suits you, not just to find someone. When it comes to online dating (and dating in general, really) there are no surefire tips to make things work.
Finally, you really need to ask good questions and listen carefully to the answers. But when it comes to building good relationships there are a handful of core skills that really help–things like asking good questions, listening carefully, and learning how to manage differences and disagreements constructively instead of destructively.
So today, I’m going to tell you about 4 common pitfalls of meeting someone online and 4 ways you can avoid those pitfalls and increase the chance that your relationship will work.
When you first meet someone you are interested in, you can spend more energy trying to make sure that they like you, than thinking about whether or not you like them.
It can feel a lot more natural to ask and answer questions over a cup of coffee than via email.