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Trying to explain why your desire has disappeared, when maybe you don't understand exactly why yourself, is probably a pretty fraught task.

Especially when your partner feels hurt and angry about being repeatedly rejected. There are some really good reasons why he has just not been interested in sex, though I won't go into them here.

But in general, dealing with death, financial hardship, and stressful work/life situations are all pretty big boner-killers for .

Though it has been very difficult, I have initiated long discussions with him about how we can get rid of some of these stresses and hopefully one day get our sex drives back in sync.

Having these conversations was really scary; we both cried.

But over time, these conversations also have made us more emotionally intimate and comfortable with each other in a new way.

At first, being rejected by my partner confused me. I make dark jokes to myself in my journal (“the old '180 days without incident' sign is hanging up by my vagina again, ticking off the days”), and I can talk about the problem with one or two close girlfriends. Read more In desperation, I have tried to find explanations/solutions online. Most sex advice boils down to incredibly superficial solutions: Surprise him with lingerie. After a series of painfully awkward rejections, it became clear to me that H was not waiting for me to “initiate desire.” Nor did he give a damn about lingerie, coy suggestions, or frank proposals for sexytime.

I spent a lot of time worrying: What's wrong with me? If anything, I learned that this pressure made things worse.

That being said, we kept our live chat site as simple as possible.