Variations involving obtaining bank account details included the Nigerian letter, also known as the Nigerian bank scam or 419 fraud – named after the clause in Nigerian law dealing with fraud.
A pithy, “Because I’m too fabulous to settle.” A polite, “Because I’m waiting for God to bring me the right man.” A peppy, “Because there are still things I’m meant to accomplish as a single woman! And to give everything a more positive sheen in order to make ourselves feel better for the moment actually only harms us more in the long run. I’m not going to end this blog with some cheesy quote or self-help speech…and I’m not going to apologize for anything I’ve written here, either. Feel free to use the comments below to voice your own fears, share your story, agree, disagree, scream, yell, cry…whatever you need to do.” But the truth is…sometimes I think the reason I’m still single is because I’m inherently flawed. I’m simply going to tell you that whatever your fears are about being single, you’re not alone. However, Colin Woodcock, a senior investigator with SOCA – the Serious Organised Crime Agency – said: ‘This crime affects hundreds, maybe thousands of people in the UK, to the tune of up to £80million a year.Victims typically lose from £50 to a couple of hundred to several thousand pounds, but some individuals have been taken for over £275,000.’ Mr Woodcock, who was awarded the MBE in 2009 for services to law enforcement, has devoted two years to exposing rom scams – many of which operate from Ghana and Nigeria. I’ve dressed it up in pretty pink girl power with a silver lining instead of gotten really, really REAL with you and with myself about my fears about being single and 36. But the reasons I often convince myself that I’m still single aren’t pretty. A toxic relationship in my late 20’s that left me questioning everything about myself took its toll. Another man I loved for eight long years sat in my apartment not quite a year ago and looked me in the eyes and basically told me in no uncertain terms that I wasn’t lovable to him. That he had abruptly stopped being attracted to me, after almost a decade of intense, undeniable chemistry. I also have makeup, lots of makeup, and I’m working on the self-love stuff every day.
Where the truth comes out and it’s not the slightest bit pretty, or inspirational, or even positive. It’s also a truth I have kept to myself because of its ugliness. Convinced the person telling me that HAD to be mistaken. If I choose to let in the darkness and the sadness and the REALNESS…won’t I sink in it? I think I’m starting to come to a better understanding of why…but for the moment, it’s still just shadowed and blurry truth that I’m struggling to make sense of. A few years ago I felt like I could simply walk into a room and command the attention of the men in the room. I suspect it was more an internal change than an external one, as I honestly think I physically look better now than I did ten years ago.
And life without both joy AND sadness is a life without balance. And I think it’s high time to march all of that loneliness and self doubt and fear into the light and stop hiding it away and acting like it doesn’t exist because to admit that it DOES exist is to admit vulnerability. And to go a step further…all of my great big ugly fears about what being single at age 36 says about me.
I want to be that woman, but I’m not that woman yet. And that journey starts with this blog…with this moment of honesty that will hopefully be followed by lots more moments of honesty as I stop frantically searching for the silver lining of every situation and instead just learn to embrace the ugliness, the doubt, the uncertainty, the fear…as all a part of the journey. I personally think it’s a lot braver to talk about our doubts and fears instead of acting like everything’s perfect. It lends itself to loneliness and self doubt and fear.
For some, being conned out of everything you ever worked for is too much to take.
I know of two suicides which occurred as a direct result of romance scamming. Taking their own lives must have seemed easier than owning up to having got it so wrong’.
They feel embarrassed and ashamed, they don’t want friends or family to know.