Others might become ready to face past traumas such as sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, and they might realize they need professional help to deal with painful and upsetting memories.If you sense (or know) this is the case with your PIR, it's good to give them some space and lots of tender support and encouragement, remembering that you can't be their therapist, but you can be their friend. Nagy is a college professor, actor, and songwriter.
When they were drinking and using, they may have grown used to doing whatever it took to cover up, excuse, or engage in their addictive behavior.
When it comes to an addiction disorder, deceit, manipulation, and friendships with fellow drinking or drugging buddies are too often the rule, rather than the exception.
Because of this, some PIRs may have developed trust, intimacy, or abandonment issues.
As a result, they might view dysfunctional relationships as normal and seek out these types of unhealthy relationships in their new sober life, unless they are made aware of what they are doing and work diligently to release and heal their past.
When people work Step Four, they begin to realize that in order to stay clean and sober, they need to handle all their feelings--the good, the bad, and the ugly ones--in a healthy and safe way rather than covering them up with mood-altering chemicals or addictive behaviors.
Many PIRs who have numbed their feelings for so long start to actually feel again.
It was harder for him to admit the sexual harms he'd done and the people he'd used when he was still drinking.
But he said he needed to face those things if he ever hoped to have a healthy relationship--sexual and otherwise--in the future.
A business that tries to sell useless or damaged things goes broke; a PIR who holds on to useless and unhealthy thoughts, feelings, and behaviors also goes "broke" and risks relapse.
The Big Book, page 64, says that "resentment is the 'number one' offender," and that it destroys more addicts than anything else does.
But the Steps are especially useful if you dating a PIR, because the skills you learn from the Steps may be helpful in your relationship.